Why We Haven’t Met Any Aliens

Seed Magazine posits an answer to Fermi’s Paradox (“if extraterrestrial intelligence is common, why haven’t we met any bright aliens yet?”):

“Basically, I think the aliens don’t blow themselves up; they just get addicted to computer games. They forget to send radio signals or colonize space because they’re too busy with runaway consumerism and virtual-reality narcissism. They don’t need Sentinels to enslave them in a Matrix; they do it to themselves, just as we are doing today. Once they turn inwards to chase their shiny pennies of pleasure, they lose the cosmic plot.”

Our brains can’t cope with tracking the real-life signs of biological fitness, instead:

“The result is that we don’t seek reproductive success directly; we seek tasty foods that have tended to promote survival, and luscious mates who have tended to produce bright, healthy babies. The modern result? Fast food and pornography.” 

And when we do find the smart Aliens?

When they finally achieve contact, it will not be a meeting of novel-readers and game-players. It will be a meeting of dead-serious super-parents who congratulate each other on surviving not just the Bomb, but the Xbox.”

Genius.